Imagine the joy and relief of being amongst friends, peers and colleagues and just enjoying their company and appreciating them for who they are, and with that being uninhibited in yourself and assured that you can just be you!  

Is it not just exhausting and debilitating to get caught up into the myriad of assumptions about what others are thinking?  And thus I ask the question this morning, how would it feel if you just completely realised that what you think other people are thinking about you is possibly absolutely NOT what they are thinking at all?! In fact – they in turn are more than likely to be worrying about what you are thinking about them!  

This week I met with a wonderful bright and very hard working woman who has distanced herself from friends due to an overwhelming anxiety around what she feels she can contribute to conversations.  She is listening to others with a running tape in her head of ‘they know so much’ and ‘they are so clever’ … and then the fuel to her fire is that internal voice telling herself that she is not in a position to contribute to the conversations – and her opinions and ideas are not valid.  Her thinking is self condemning assumptions resulting in an anxiety that is making her brain just feeling so stuck … numb.  It is the assumption that her friends are judging her for her intelligence and ability to articulate well formed opinions.  

I know this feeling. It happens to me very easily but I am learning to see those debilitating  thoughts as just thoughts and understand that they are habitual patterns – and that many of the thoughts are just not at all true!  I know that we are not ‘made’ to be like others – we are created absolutely uniquely and wonderfully.  We really are. I know that when I catch myself making assumptions about what others think of me, the reality is that I actually have no idea.  Also, making assumptions about what other people are thinking is actually madness!  

My daughter constantly reminds me to  “you be you”.  We want to be among people who are genuine and the more we are true to ourselves, the more others in turn feel assured to be who they are!  And when that brain is feeling very stuck rub your head with your fingers, move on the spot, breath in and out deeply (I find that a loud sigh releases so much tension) and then take the courage and speak up and speak out – even in just the very smallest of ways.  I also find that if I talk to myself in a way that is caring, using my ‘inner smile’ then I step out of that quagmire of assumptions and become calmer.  

Confidently expressing your own opinion or view, or even asking curious questions comes with practice.   It takes the courage to just start having conversations.  It helps to focus on the other person and taking the spotlight off yourself.  And when that doubting voice becomes loud … just hush it away with a knowing understanding.  

Enjoy learning more about what inspires and interests YOU.  Listen, read, question and participate – as much as you can but in a way that uplifts you.  

May you have a wonderful weekend ahead, appreciating what you enjoy doing and learning about.  You be you!